Cleaning up and releasing!

When I set out on this journey my 8' pick-up bed was filled to the brim and covered with tarps.

The Avion contained it all . . . but, what a mess. 

Fortunately Dante wasn't fussy! Others would have been.

I increasingly grew so!

My, what a mess!

As I take and make time to clean-up and organize slowly stuff finds its place, boxes get recycled, down-sizing continues

Letting go continues.

This blog is all about letting go. More so that then Dante. Although, what a role model.

Dante only requires love, affection, care and food. Such a role model!

Today I seemed to make some kind of breaktrough. 

Headed back to Eureka on Fricay, maybe that was it.

More so, enough time has passed and friends have shown up for me that my deep sorrow and depression about the losses and sacrifices have had enough time to be processed that they no longer have such a hold on me.

I have been carrying with me a roll of marmoleum (healthy linoleum) and finally cut and installed. 

Yeah! Looks so much better and is healthier now that the asbestos 9" tiles have been removed.

In addition I consolidated several boxes of "stuff" into one, got rid of a bunch of odds and ends and re-organized the interior such that there is more space and less clutter. 

Hey, there is hope!

Dante: Friendship Embassador.

Dante: Friendship ambassador!

Could not have designed a better travel partner. 

We left the tranquil serene and muse infused deck and home in the very Western edge of Clearlake, temperature in the low 90's at the extreme. This is where this blog first started . . . with four or five entries!

Now a totally different scene. There Dante was loved and very calm and comfortable.

Here, he initially did not want to enter into the homestead where there is always lots going on; and where there is a puppy twice his size, always hungry and when ever Dante's name is called there is that puppy. Dante, being the perfect gentleman, stands aside. No wonder he resisted joining.

He can let it be known when he is unhappy. If he has one fault it is that he doesn't guard his own food.

Small problem. 

As delightful as he is, he is often the first to be acknowledged. ("Who, me, jealous?")

The homestead we are now visiting is of wonderful friends who own and run the homestead, currently also home to an additional three lovely young people, traveling around and making themselves useful, as wwoofies. WWOOF (World Wide Opportunity on Organic Farms).

The homestead serves as an ideal instructive, productive, and fun place to drink up some essential survival skills and training. 

Growing, harvesting, putting up, sharing, cooking and relaxing . . . music, interesting people. 

The homestead is indeed a beehive of activities, including bee keeping and goat farm husbanding.

Dante only takes an hour or so before he is comfortable and getting played with, or left alone as he desires.

Takes me longer. 

We are here for a week or so then moving on.

Seed saving. Seed peddling. Laws

Sometimes, as I understand from The Blue Highway, by William Least Heat-Moon, the wandering traveler needs to break the running rule that you don't hurry!  . . . "I violated a rule of the road and drove south just because I felt I should move on."

There does seem to be some magic in following the flow; the signs. Maybe some feeling that it is time to move on. Then, something amazing happens.

I had no idea as to the treatment I was being given by Jini when she arranged for me to have a ticket to go to the Bioneer's Seed Conference in nearby Santa Rosa.

The very powerful event attended by thousands. The Keynote speaker was Vandana Shiva, a famous writer, philosopher, activist, and politician who has gained a substantial international following.

California is right now dealing with some very scary laws, having to do with outlawing the sale, promotion, and passing on seeds. The specifics flew by me as usually happens but the general idea that, again, Corporations and the Politicians who cater to them have created or are in the process of creating laws which pretty much say if you want seeds you have to buy them from Monsanto . . . and, they are genetically modified ("Polluted" says Vandana Shiva), polluted and for the plants growing it is necessary to use other Monsanto products.

Disgusting!

Mostly, in my travels I pay more attention to the music, children dancing, enjoying the conference food vendors. People of all ages interested and interesting.

As well, mounds of squash . . . all shapes, colors, and sizes, including some mammoth gigantic super-stars. Never to be cooked. Meeting its fate oozing back to Earth!

And, if we don't squash this effort by Monsanto and Companies to "own" seeds, then, what?

So, my guess is the Black Market will change from marijuana to seeds; namely prized heirloom seeds that produce magnificently nutritious and healthy plants, flowers, fruit, and seed.

The Bones of the Ancestors

Where do I come from? What are my ancestral roots? What was “working” my parents

and grand-parents that had us kids moving in the World to end up where we are?

On my return from retrieving The Great Grey Goose, I wanted to visit Pipestone,

Minnesota and Howard, South Dakota.

Grandmother Pearl was born in Pipestone, sometime in the late 1800s. Not too much

longer than “Indian Uprising” and “Massacres”.

Visiting there was a step back in history; re-matched. The visitor’s center was a replica

stockade/fort, to protect the settlers from the up-raising. The attendants and pipestone carvers all Native Americans.

The sad statement of fact is that soldiers came in and massacred whole populations of Native Americans.

My mother always had a great interest in Native Americans and brought back from her

stint in teaching in a one-room schoolhouse in the Bad Lands, a collection of beaded

artifacts, including some with history and some that were created just for her. Perhaps her mother having been steeped in that culture. Questions of her mother maybe being Native American? Regardless, the prevailing energy of her birthplace most certainly had an effect on her and my mother.

As kids we were always looking for and finding arrowheads; and, other artifacts. In

1945 I found a beautiful wood-fired bowl about 4” in diameter with petroglyphs of

hunting deer painted on the sides. Wow!

My father was born in a farming community. His parents came from a consigned

marriage that had more to do with property expansion than with love. Or, at least, that is

my idea sense of it all.

The population of Howard is pretty much what it was when visited 70 years ago. About

500 people. The gas station pumps had been changed . . . and, I am sure buildings

were built, etc. However, Howard has not changed much, as a teller assured me, in 70

years.

I left feeling depressed and "heavy", glad that my mother had come to teach in Howard and met my dad and managed to spirit him away. 

Maybe I would be a better person had I been born into and lived in Howard, although I can’t imagine, being a World Traveler, how bored I would be in this time; if, I lived in Howard.

Somewhere along the road, I began chanting, singing this song:

“I welcome the guidance of the bones of the Ancestors,

I welcome the manna of the bones of the Ancestors,

I welcome the healing of the bones of the Ancestors,

Guide me on,

Help me well,

on the trail of bones of the Ancestors

Help me home to the Healing Ways

Aho."

Who is this Guy named "I"

That is, isn’t it, the ultimate pursuit?

Before I get too far into this expressive ramble let me cast as a paradigm for taking all that follows with a grain of salt, some beauty and wonder, and;  think of the metaphor of a snake shedding its skin. Damn if they aren’t cantankerous. 

Lee Vagt and I were once chased in Willits by a 3 ft rattler who had just shed her skin! We both had walking staffs and she still chased us away. So, yep, when we are going through major life changes we become down right cantankerous! We skedaddled!

Reflecting on this I do not have to “take myself so seriously” and can renegotiate my past belief and behavioral processes with more compassion and forgivance. 

This serves as a reminder to all of you good readers.

Ho, oponoponopono!

Please watch this during or before you read on; or, know that you will come back to experience this deep healing meditative experience. Thank you, the bones of the ancestors of Hawaii Kahunas!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqrssdH6ET4

Forgive me, I am sorry, I love you, Thank you!

Forgive me for being rude, thoughtless, selfish, greedy, domineering, forgetting, being cowardly, harsh, cantankerous, irritable and the list goes on. Yep, I know them all very well and am a virtuoso about acting these parts. 

I am so sorry that I subjected you to so much emotional, physical, and personal shit. How difficult it must have been for you. How lonely you must have felt in our life together. 

I Love you and when in my body and present with Self, All I have for You is your best health, prosperity and happiness. And, what ever else you value. 

And, thank you. Thank you! Thank you, thank you for being with Me on this Epic Journey we surf here on this Earth and Time Plain! Thank you for sharing the contract towards mutual enlightenment and transformation to higher Angelic Beings.  

Thank you for catapulting me into One-ness!

It has been an experience of great love, beauty, creation, inspiration, and companionship. I will always cherish our time together on this plain during this time. I have gained so much in our being together. A better person I move forward with greater ease and confidence. 

It is my time to FLY!!

The part that I am working on is not staying in attachment to any of the above cantankerous sets for more than a few seconds. Minutes at the most to notice how the environment around me changes and becomes less favorable for my welcome presence. To notice also how before outrageous behavior happens I invariably think a thought about changing, self or other. Usually I think about going somewhere else in space or time and it is reflected in my presence and speech! Ah, 

So I Am the Social Engineer of My Reality!

Yep! 

Can’t deny after all these years of being a professional witness, listener and conversationalist giving out wise council. Which, invariably amounts to reflecting on what the other wants and then reviewing the possible and probably consequences. The risk taking is mostly by my client. Seldom do I go beyond this without sharing that my own personal experiences brought about . . .

And, I share Ho, opono, opono, opono! 

Such a beautiful and wondrous way to live!

How alive All becomes.

As I cast off the shadows of my past indiscretions and emotional manipulations and come back to right now; then, All becomes Grace.

Graceful in the Universe of All responding to my every want or need. 

The Bones of the Ancestors guide me!

i love you!

i love you!

I LOVE YOU!

you

YOU

U

must understand

that if there were any one most troublesome of my faults to me it would be:

Cowardice. 

Yes, lacking the courage to stand up for me. Of course I was never really sure of who “Me” was. Too many roles that I could authentically play, being the actor I am. Believable. Unbelievable.

There are lots of very concrete and damaging reasons for my doing so. Social facts are like brick walls. 

Passive-aggressivity is loosing out in my battles with inner, habitual and controlling behaviors. Finding ways to say what needs to be said or expressed in loving nurturing and caring ways is winning out.

All because of YOU! Mirroring me, Old Soul!

Showing me, as the contrary in indigenous worlds show the powerful to not “take themselves so seriously”!

Lighten up!

Let go!

Let Love!

Reveal my Courageous Lion-hearted Self!

Whose Ties, My Ties: Who is this guy named “I”?

Oh, oh, not ready to write this one yet.

I will need to sit in the hot tub on the deck overlooking the lake contemplating all of the sounds and sights. First listening to those close in, my own breath, the sound of birds . . . of Dante. Then further and further till I can hear the jets flying way overhead. Then, back to the wings of the hummingbird. Then watching. Close to far.  Then feelings, close to far.

Now.

Let's take a safer subject and write about living in the Grey Goose

I call it that as it is warm and big and soft! Looks that way and it is very comfortable.

The storage space is great. With a small 3-way refrigerator perishables can be kept longer.

All three burners on the stovetop worked after I found a replacement disperser (the round metal plates that go on top of each burner). I miraculously found one at a Redwood Valley (Mendocino County) second-hand store.

The oven needs some work. Probably a small cleaning of the orifice feeding into the oven.

Lots of storage.

My biggest issue has to do with me  . . . when I leave one of the cabinet storage doors open then drive for a way. Stuff spills out and busts up . . . then a clean up is in order.

The upside of this is that there is less stuff to pack away!

Thinking right now of all the storage I have. For the tools to manage the Avion (those to manage the f-250, Hummmmmmmm are in the extended cab. For those having to do with reading and writing, playing music (6 instruments, not counting spoons, etc.). Enough hot drink choices to provide for a dozen or so for a few days. And, almost all of the cook-ware I can imagine fitting in tight space. A Salad-master Wok (stated to be the only one imported into China), an old cast-iron 8" pot, sans lid,
two quality stainless steel pieces, one a 6" skillet and the other a small saucepan. The latter being great for soups, warm-ups, and hot cereal.

Breakfast is my main meal here; although I once provided a wonderful French Onion Soup following the recipe on a Shaved Bonita package. That plus mushrooms and 3 or 4 kinds of seaweed soaked for a time then mixed into caramelized onions and garlic mix. Simmering low heat that brews for 15 minutes or so while blending up some miso; a good quantity. Turn the heat off and mix the miso into.

Serve with toasted bread and butter. Oh yeah!

A love a good kitchen.

The clean-up part at this time is daunting. The water system has not been hooked up. Waiting for the waste system to happen first, then wiring to supply pump to keep the system working.

Soon!

A loo! Yep, now with a compost toilet that needs to be emptied only ever so often.
Took the water worked one out as I want to no longer have a black water system, instead use the old black-water system (thoroughly sanitized) as a greywater system. Handling all of the kitchens and sinks waste. Yes! That is essential, as grey-water waste is not tolerated in so many places and for good reason.

Sink and shower. Neither has been used, yet.

The wiring needs work. There is a 7 wire system going into the Avion; I can only find 3 inside. Where did the other 4 go? Wiring must have been distributed inside the shell of the Avion. And, now we get to plot out and guess where the wiring is. Imagine plotting out the wiring in your home without having a map or knowing whether the wires go up, down, sideways, or on a lateral.

We, with help from a number of others, will prevail!

The Ties that Tether!

Downsizing.

Getting rid of stuff.

Cleaning up messes, new and old.

Lightening my load.

And, Still

so much

more to go.

I guess Joanne had finally had it with all of my messes. Lots of excuses why they were there but bottom line is "I am a messy kind of guy!"

I also extol the virtue of "A place for everything and everything in its place."

Laziness, procrastination and, most probably, passive aggressivity thrown together with an active and compulsive need to produce and what you get, from me, anyway, creative productions and tailings.
Like the tailings left behind by cold miners. Messes, here and there.

Now, all of the ones at my (our) old home on Gibson Street are no longer and no longer my concerns. Whew! What a relief. Almost worth Joanne moving to Nevada City and catapulting me into these releases (Thank you, again, Joanne).

As I travel and talk with people the frequent response, as with Travels with Charlie and The Blue Highway, either verbally or with that wistful look, "Sure wish I could do that!"

When I talk about my having Liberty Cabins built for me a tiny-house-on-wheels (LibertyCabins.comhttp://www.libertycabins.com/), a 300 sqft structure which will become my permanent home, people frequently respond with "someone they know" or, they are living in a small (500 sqft) or they have seen the movie, etc. There is a movement!

Tiny Houses are the talk of the day!

It may just be me but doesn't it seem that more and more people are getting rid of more and more stuff?

Arn't the second hand stores being flooded?

So, what about that . . . The Ties that Tether.

What is happening to all of those connections to "stuff" and the accompanying attachments?

Is who I am determined by how I am tied up?

Whoa! Could it be?

Not to say the "ties" are bad. Without them there would be no balance or harmony. We would all be floating around connecting and disconnecting in some great hash of a mess.

It is to say we can thoughtfully disconnect where the connection no longer works for us.

Birds flying the nest.

Kids going off to  . . .

People choosing to retire; or, getting laid off or fired or slowly wilting on the job, even dying.

Pick your medicine!

For me. So excited to have a new path and a new home (homes) to explore the world with.

Today, already, 3:00 pm or so I have met and talked with  two of my friends from 20 years ago who now live in Lakeport. Lakeport is becoming more and more comfortable for me. Maybe it is time to sink some ties into this place. Beautiful Lake, Great Climate, Wonderful People, Excellent Restaurants and lots of dog walking!

I am actively promoting Intentional Releasing! (see next blog!)

Letting go, Falling, Surrendering What?

A Facebook friend refers to her "surrendering" as a salubrious surrender! Healthful and joyful surrendering! 

Much of the time I am there and intentionally moving to such a state.

Some of the time the dark thoughts and feelings emerge and are needed to be wrestled with.

Interesting enough what I keep coming back to is something like: "Oh, I no longer need to put energy into that . . . ." then a sigh and refocus. 

My whole journey seems to be a metaphor for my life. 

Scraping off the toxic asbestos layers of flooring in the GGG (by-the-by, asbestos tiles are out and Marmoleum is in). So much like scraping off the old toxic belief systems, dependencies, attachments such that new healthier foundational standings can be installed. 

And, as with dealing with the asbestos, gloves, water for keeping the dust down, putting tiles in a black plastic bag, having a tarp underfoot, etc. All designed to keep the toxins from spreading around. 

Yes, how to keep the toxic waste contained? Good things my friends and family are compassionate, caring, and forgiving! Thank you, All. Ho, O-pano o-pano o-pano!

Grant that the reprogramming is something less akin to DOS and more to OS X or Android. Easier to change and fewer chances for viruses, worms, or spam!

Oh, oh, now that I think of it I have all 3 of those operating systems working deep inside of me. What other ones are there? Too many to tell.

Time to simplify . . . and that is what I am all about right now. That is my intention. The fine-tuning of my rig, The GGG on the back of Hummmmmmmm requires lots of sorting, discarding, and organizing. And, what is my intention? Traveller, vacationer, artist, musician, writer, bum? 

I consider myself to be an itinerate helper. Have tools, will travel! Have a need, call on Scott!

Having hours of free time each day to read, relax, or even take a nap. Refreshing.

Knowing that all of that was possible in the past taxing events reminds me to keep on remembering, Be Here Now! Stop, breathe, and relax! Sink into my bones! Festina Lente!!!

Sleep like a dog, sit like a turtle, and walk like a duck! Ancient Taoist Wisdom for Longevity.

Keeping my eye on the road, my mind on driving, and my hands on the wheel. Concentrated times for developing Oneness.

Wrestling with a busy mind and coming back to NOW. What else is there to do?

Yes, Salubrious Surrender!

Shedding layers and layers of beliefs, attachments, and dreams. Streamlining. And, as the shedding occurs so do the related feelings and thoughts emerge . . . to once again be processed. Each processing like a bath of warm water on a cold night, washing away layers of garb! Of old clothes, comfortable to wear but no longer fitting the self! 

So, out with some of the old and in with some more colorful healthful garb!

What's this about "letting go"?

Letting go into Grace accidentally came to me and I liked it.

All of my life has been graceful to one degree and or another, even in conflict.

The last period of time has been the most exceedingly graceful and full of pleasure and health.

Really comfortable with predictable rituals, agendas, seasonal activities, home-improvement tasks and maintenance tasks, and taking care of family tasks.

Really seems like a bundle when one puts it out like that. Imagine each one being a string of connectivity from the beliefs and self-conceptual language be programming a strong connection to every cell in your body. Orchestrating, if will, your bodily movements!

Thinking of that bundle as an intertwined cord of bungees stretching from the past to the future through your own body! Yes, the currents divined by the bones of our ancestors.

Releasing big bundles, no longer so I have a home or an office, no longer do I have a calendar . . .

These absences create huge holes to be filled; either by chance or by intention.

Chance
Intention
Guidance of Ancestors; or, whatever.

The three might make for a mighty powerful new cord (chord) wave to follow.

The Ultimate Gypsy Wagon

Why go so far. To Kalamazoo?

Wasn't just about the rarity and condition. It was also a rapid surrendering to and feeling a need to flee. So many tendrils were attached and deeply entrenched. Not just psychically but physiologically at the same time. 12 years of husbanding, gardening, stewarding, managing habitat, seasonal expectations, planting, cultivating and harvesting and putting up . . . and the list goes on.

To detach from such, all at once, in effect is to release a strongly bounded bungee cord. When the cord is released so is the depth of responsive-nous as of a highly trained muscle. Sometimes I was aware that I was "fleeing" into my future. An idea that had appeal and a way to transition from working, earning good money, comfortable in a nice home with abundant gardens, and a loving working relation with a wife.

Things changed dramatically when Joanne decided to move to Nevada City and within months of deciding did so! I was ready to retire and had been talking of retiring or taking a one-year sabbatical for some time. Fantasies that when Joanne was bringing more capital I could stay home and paint, garden, cook, clean, etc. That wasn't her idea though, it was to have a home of her own in a part of the world she had wanted to live in for decades. Okay. Sorta. Had some rough times around all of that. Eventually saw the freedom (FREEDOM) in it for me. They say that structure allows for creativity. Suddenly I was without structure and floating. The mad trip to Kalamazoo was just the escape ticket for my dream to begin!

Riding that energy and following the guidance of Dante and The Grey Goose (another name for the Conch; oh, or, Avion! Personalities grow around naming!

Speaking of which the 1990 f-250, 7.3 turbocharged, 5 sp. 4x4 with heavy gearbox! Oh, yes, what names to come up with?

My f-250
The blue truck
The 7.3 idi
The Music Box disguised as a truck
The name for the music box?
That will be a good one.

Hummingbird! Let's invoke the energy of the hummingbird and hummingbird Angel, which I had the good fortune to meet in a shamanic circle deep diving.

I love the imagery, A Great Grey Goose riding every humming, hummingbird!
Got to have a name here. Hummer is obvious but connotation misleading.
Huhmmmmmmm. Hummed from the heart!
Sound Huhmmmmm and We come, Hummmmm, Great Grey Goose and Dante and I!

Got to paint that!

Back to GGG (ah, the great grey goose!)

Spacious with lots of storage.
refrigerator (3 way, just installed) 120 and 12 v need to be connected. As does propane.
When parked the external source of 120 electric runs the refrigerator.
furnace
main double bed with pull out for others
table for 4
hot water (soon)
greywater system (soon)
3 burner stove top with small oven

And, an aluminum Airstream Quality aircraft strong aluminum shell.

Inside a fiber-glass shell with blown-in insulation between the two . . . about 2 inches thick.

No serious leaks.

Now, today, the task is to tear out 9" asbestos tiles and install a roll of remnant ends from our Gibson home remodel. A blues flowing pattern (sounds like The Blues). The process involves protecting the environment with sprayed moisture, protective gloves, and mask and taking tiles out one at a time and putting in a black plastic bag which is resting on a larger plastic tarp.

When the old tiles are off then the floor gets cleaned and leveled.

Then the Marmoleum that I will not adhere but hold in place by moldings.

Just like that!

Don't I wish? It will be a task.

The question is, should I do that first or go visit an old friend that owns a bookstore, here in Lakeport?

No choice . . . which choice do you believe I made? Or, am going to make?

Don't ask me, I don't know right at this moment . . .

Beginning

dante and I

not sure who found whom but dante in his wiggle your whole body and give your guests a big toothy smile and lick their hand or face won me over. 

Saw him one day, put a hold on at the shelter and went back shortly thereafter. Woke up with a certainty that he was to be my special travel dog. So many people had "told" me I needed to take a dog. Resisted but saw the wisdom. Timing was right!
He was so happy to be released. I can only imagine how long he was in cages . . . first in Salinas, then?

The first week I deserved lots of kisses, mostly just before we went to bed, he wandering to sleep at my feet. He has backed off with his generosity but still when being apart for a while and coming together again the same wiggle your whole body, smile tooth-fully and kiss generously. Who can resist?

On the Road, Dante likes to curl up in the back with an occasional "what is that smell and where is it coming from" view out my driver's side window. His right paw is on my arm or shoulder while his left rests on the door frame.

A few minutes and he is back in rest mode.

Loves to sleep, curl up in small spaces, lay sprawled out on his back, and sink into himself. Hard to get him out of those deep spaces. Have to kind of shake him around a bit and keep saying "walk", "walk". Getting down to ground level and showing him the leash clip and saying "walk" and he generally comes tail a wagging. However, if he suspects we are getting ready for another-really-long-road-trip he sinks solidly into his bones . . . dead weight.

Once he gets moving, after he does his version of yoga "cat cow" he really gets moving. One strong muscle and he gives a pull of determination. Only with a quick pull and "come" will he change his direction. Usually likes to lead the way. Usually nose to the ground. Usually for signature purposes!

Our first jaunt was to Kalamazoo Michigan, retrieve the Avion and return post haste to deal with real estate issues. 6500 miles in something like less than 3 weeks.

Good to say that I have lost track of when, what day, how many. It is more and more just part of the path!

Dante was a favorite. Kids and women most often want to know his name and if he is ok to pet. Then they ask in one form or another, some courteous, some not, "What kind of a dog is that, anyway? What is it crossed with? I explain he is part dachshund and part miniature schnauzer. Mostly they just admire him.

Men want to know about my truck and Avion. "What is that?" "Looks like a Airstream" and I tell them the story.

Of how several men working for Airstream wanted to construct a cab-over-camper to put on a 3/4 to 1 ton pickup 4x4 such that they go to remote areas and hunt and fish in comfort. Permission granted the Avion had a run for maybe 10 years. 

Now, they are hard to find. Witness my driving to Kalamazoo to retrieve mine.

A solid, once fixed up, smooth runner that purrs. A big truck it took me several weeks and a few dings to mind its space.

On the highways I 

practiced dealing with my anxiety by sinking into the seat and relaxing my body. Hands on steering wheel, not with "white knuckling" but with relaxed attentiveness. Travelled many miles many days in this fashion. Only stopping to relieve the tensions of we two weary travelers.