We Made It: To Baja!

After months of plans promises and preparations, many prolonged and delightful visits

to the homes of friends and family, many time outs for truck and Avion upgrades, we

finally crossed the border into Baja California. Yeah!

Now in San Antonio del Mar, a small gated community north of Rosarita Beach, we are

enjoying the lullaby rhythm of the Pacific waves, the food and flavors of Baja; and,

again, the comfort and enjoyment of family. We are at my sister and brother-in-laws

beach front home, Playa Numero Uno.

Having been here a number of times in the past many memories of self and others are

in abundance. Photos, art works, customs and patterns all awaken old thoughts and

feelings. More stuff to let go of is encased in some of these experiences.

Not too surprising, Joanne figures strongly in the memories, as does Gabriel and Kathy,

Gabriel’s mom. I believe it was here. Although one strong memory may have come from

Ensenetas, further to the South.

What stands out in my mind was Gabriel and some Mexican boys having bottle rocket

battles. It must have been around New Years, maybe 30 some years ago, Gabe must

have been 11 or 12. I just remember seeing the rockets shooting parallel to the beach

and then aware that they were coming from two directions. My protective, and maybe

over-protective fathering had me running down to the beach and aggressively stopping

the madness! Images of the kids being so excited that they missed seeing a rocket

coming at them till it was too late. Eyes put out, etc. Anyway, I raised my voice and

stopped the “fight” and probably shamed my son . . . again.

These thoughts carried on as the day wore on and entered my dreaming and the

discussions of the following day. Today.

Our conversations today, 10:00 am, have to do with assuming responsibility for other’s

actions, e.g. diet and health. Some believe that once you are 21, an adult, you “should”

be able to make responsible decisions and live up to them.

OMG! As the short version of “I can’t believe that or you” is often expressed.

My response is that we also have our wounded selves to contend with. If wounded at

four then that four year old self will still be in on the act.

My sense of security and self-concept was shattered when four when I went to a

kindergarten school and the teacher was angry and punitive. Not to me so much as

more a result of my being hurt when another kid not liking my art work ruined it. The

teacher made him eat that paper! I was so scared (traumatized) that later I was afraid to

raise my hand to go to the toilet. I ended up pooping in my pants on the way home from

school. That combination of shameful experiences continued to embarass and shame

me for years. Far beyond my being 21. I am still anxious about my art work and how it

will be received. Oh, my gosh (OMG) what will they think?

We Made it: To Baja

My big issues also have to do with sexual trauma when I was introduced to sexual play

at eight and liked it so much that I went about teaching other kids. That was quickly

stopped and I was, again toxically shamed around body functions. Needless to say my

sexuality went underground for far too long and when it did surface it did so with a

vengence, bringing about a promiscuity that created many problems for myself and

loved ones.

Our culture shames and traumatizes and then expects people to “get over it” by

punishing, shaming, burying, blaming, locking up, etc. So full of more shame and blame.

And, my traumas were light, compared to those received during wars, alcoholic or drug

abuse families and other more catastrophic events.

So much of my needing to take this time away from my past is to be able to come to

center with my self. Time to be able to move in my growing default sense of “Festina

Lente”, making haste . . . slowly.

Slowing down and reflecting on who I am, how my patterns developed, where there is a

need for more attention, compassion and forgiveness for self and other.

I do, as so many of us do, have everything that I need. All that is necessary is to find

and make a time and place to do the work and the commitment to do so.

It is tempting to just say, “To hell with it!” and move to Baja and become one of the many

expatriates that have chosen to do so to get away from the craziness and woundedness

of the past, as well as to be able to afford a slower and more abundant life style than is

afforded in the USA. I could do that, except that I choose to be close to my son and

grand-sons such that I can help to provide a stable support system for such

woundedness as I experienced to more readily be embraced and released. To be handy

in case of small or big catastrophic events; or, whatever.

Ancestors, help me to heal the Wounds of the Past that I may consciously and

intentionally open those doors and enter through that lead to healing, health,

happiness and wholeness. May I become Whole, Holy and Wholesome!

Blessings on All!

We Made it: To Baja

The Sun Returns and We Celebrate!

SOLSTICE CHEER

Twenty some days since our last posting!

A great journey after Nevada City. Full of challenges and opportunities, once again. And, also, full of happiness and cheer. Seems like we are well received wherever we go.

First, the truck was fixed effectively if not permanently (what?). The axle seal was replaced after about 10 days of waiting as the shop we go to in Nevada City was very busy (Douglas Auto: a great place to have your vehicles fixed). I had let them know that if it was fixed by a certain date a week or ten days in the future it would work for me. It was; and, the snows on Hwy 80 were such that they could have taken an extra day or so. While my rig would handle the winds and snow I chose to stay with Joanne in comfort! My default, I guess.

The next day, the 13th of December we head for family in Southern California, hoping to find some hot springs to indulge in on our way South. 

The day was beautiful and the drive delightful. But cold. We stayed in Minden, Nevada. Seven (7) degrees that night and the Avion's furnace stank and did not keep even a thimble of water warm (metaphorically speaking)! Froze our butts off. We bundled up and made it through the night. We stayed in a Casino RV park and I took advantage of the restaurants and ate comfortably and well, if not my usual fare.

The next day we hit the road early seeking more warmth. We found it in Lone Pine, one of my favorite places to visit, where it was a good 10 degrees warmer. Yes, actually 17 degrees. That night we chose to stay in a motel. Luxury, again. 

Glad we did as we both were exhausted from keeping warm the night before.

Fortunately the Ford f-250 has an efficient heating system and within minutes of getting back on the highway we were thawed out.

Some wonderful sights along the way. Mt. Whitney, the Alabama Hills, lots of snow on the mountains and long vistas across the high deserts of Nevada. Stopping on the overlook of Lake Mono was pleasant. Dante, again, showed his interest in surveying the landscape by stopping and looking off across the lake and desert.

We then headed for "Dirty-Sock-Hot-Springs" (yes, it is on the map) only to find a dismal spot with broken glass all around, scuzzy on the water to the west edge and lukewarm water on the eastern edge. Near the middle was some bubbling and steam and if I had cared would probably found some good warm mineral rich water about 10 feet from the bank. I had images of cutting my feet open on broken glass and not having anyone to help me deal with the damage. Dante would be glad to give it a try with his licks but that would be too much to ask of him.

So we gave my brother in Riverside a call and cleared the way for our getting to his place around 5 pm. 

Traffic was awful on the stretch further south as we came closer to civilization (somehow it doesn't fit, does it, to consider pollution, overpopulation and overconsumption as "civilization"). And, I was reminded why I live and choose to live in Northern California. 

Several days of visiting my brother and his family, such warm and loving people, was a great joy. 

The next night he had a Gold Prospectors of America, meeting and I gladly accepted his invitation to attend. I liked the feeling of the 30 or more people in attendance and JOINED! So, I paid my dues, received my starter kit and now have access to hundreds of claims throughout the US. Including a bunch near Nevada City and all along the Sierras. 

I had some doubts but was assured that responsible mining with sluice systems cleaned up the water ways and provided more spawning grounds for fish. 

Interesting that in Nevada City there are BLM lands that used to be old mining claims that were surrendered, and then become public lands. And, that one can again "claim" the land for mining. Interesting!

So, the next afternoon after some very pleasant visits with Bruce, his wife Nan, Shell Sea there daughter and her daughter Hailey, as well as a short visit by Sonya and her son, Bison, we, Dante and I, headed for El Cajon, where my sister Judy and her family reside.

As always we were warmly received by Judy and Ron and have been enjoying many pleasant times and experiences since arriving. Last night we decorated the Christmas tree. To help were daughter Melissa and her boys, James and Evan, Michael and his daughter Shana, her husband, Clayton and their son Michael. The tree had been installed the afternoon before by Ron and I.

All of this activity, the plans and experience of travel, the cold and snow, the visits and treats, the dinners and gifts and the tree and decorating, etc. are very familiar to me. New for Dante but he certainly has enjoyed himself, especially with his new found relatives, Mercedes and Charlie. I do believe he and Mercedes are the most closely connected than any dog he has had the good fortune to be with. They play, sleep, eat, run, etc. as if old friends; or, new lovers. Regardless he is one happy puppy. Maybe just happy to not be freezing in Minden!

All is well that does not end well!

What?

Well, Dante and I were well on our way to hit the hot springs around Mammoth when after stopping for a respite in Nevada City to visit Joanne we discovered that our right rear axle seal is leaking (for the third time)! Ouch. 

But, we want to head down 395 tomorrow before it rains/snows!

Oh well, the upside is, we get to spend more time with Joanne in Nevada City. 

It will take maybe a week to find the problem and maybe replace the rear axle, if needed.

And, Joanne would really like for me to go with her to her brother's house to continue to deal with some of her parents "stuff" that is in a "pod"!

Okay! No problem. 

Since I am on sabbatical or retired or whatever there is not any place I need to be at tomorrow or next week or the next. I did tell my sister I would be in San Diego area for Christmas and I will make that!

And, if we are lucky we will still be able to hit one or two of the hot springs along the way.

So, many of you may be thinking, how can Scott be so up-beat about being divorced?

Yes, how can I be?

It took a bit of doing to reframe and find a positive spin that allows me to maintain my happiness quotient!

It is just that it is so much more fun to have fun than to have not fun. Like cross-country skiing at Royal Gorge near Tahoe. And, maybe more than once, depending on how long it takes to get my rig fixed.

And, besides, what is to not like about being free to go where I want when I want? And, to do so in such a way that I carry most of my essential gear with me. 

Such gear as:

     

     A wardrobe

     Tools

     Cooking gear

     Lots of good sleeping gear including a tent

     Stuff for Dante

     Skiing equipment and clothing

     Materials for up-grading the Avion

     A bunch of hats (I am a hat person kind of guy)

     Some shamanic gear

     Drums

     Guitar

     Clarinet, flutes, harmonica

     Books

     Outdoor gear

     Etc.

My rig allows for ultimate flexibility. I can be visiting in towns or camping out in the wilds. 

Sleeping on the ground or in the Avion. Skiing or swimming. And, on and on.

So, what is to feel sorry for myself? No need as I can choose to be happy and to move my life and energy in that direction.